What's a Girl To Do?

It's Memorial Day weekend (moment of silence folks, memorial day...), I am sitting in my future apartment with two cats who love me, straightening up before my gals come over for mimosas and chit chat before brunch, and what do I see when I turn on the TV? LEGALLY BLONDE. oh wow. Sundays do not get better than this.

Here is the fave line thus far (3 minutes after turning it on): What does she have that you don't? Three tits?

HAHAHAHAHA. DLS might kind of be losing it. But it's fun!

Week One: Done

So I had a bit of a panic attack this week. As I was wandering the labyrinth of my firm's halls looking for one of the zillion conference rooms over looking the White House, I started to wonder how I got here. Was it a product of free choice or one of expectation? I think a little of both. I know what the motivations were for taking this job (cash. seriously. that was the motivation and I am not ashamed to admit it) but really, I don't think I ever expected to actually start. You get the offer in October, 8 months before the job begins. So it's pretty easy to forget that you actually have start.

But you do. And panic attacks aside (please-this is the first of many. I have been called melodramatic more than once) the first week was...decent. Lots of work, fantastic people, good dining on the firms expense, and a few drinks here and there and my first paycheck. I don't think this summer is going to be life changing, or riveting, but it will definitely be challenging. And I have never been one to run for challenge.

Off to my massage. It's the perk of the paycheck.

What Would You Do In 4 Months?

This has been an intense day for DLS. It started so nicely. A leisurely morning in bed, followed by a lovely walk to the Metro Center area of DC for some shopping for "firm wear". (Ok ok, I got two firm appropriate shirts and 2 fun ones. What's a gal to do??).

I was walking home, about a block from my house listening to some Dar Williams and feeling pretty good about the day. When all the sudden a man came careening out of his house, grabbed me and said "Please help me! I don't know what to do!". DLS likes to think she's level headed and a good person, so she calmly said "ok, calm down, what's going on"? The man explained that his partner had collapsed in their house, he was very hard of hearing and could not call 911 and needed help. Clearly, I pulled out the cell phone and called the dispatcher. I had to relay all of the intimate details of his partner's condition. He has leukemia. Had been given four months to live. Code blued on vacation in Miami just two weeks before. The dispatcher had me find out his history, his family history, personal history. I gave her my cell phone number because the man could not remember his own. I stayed with him until the ambulance came--I am certified in CPR and his partner was barely breathing.

I watched the scene unfold and could not help but be reminded of my own mortality. As I wandered home 15 minutes later, anonymous once again, this but a momentary flash for me and the rest of this man's life, I started to wonder how I would spend 4 months if I knew they were my last. With family, no doubt, and friends of course. Would I fly to Morocco tomorrow and climb the Atlas mountains? Or would I go back to Vermont and sit on our deck with my parents and Phoebe the dog and watch the sun set over our field each night? Maybe go back to China and wander through the hutongs in Beijing, or maybe go to 6 flags and ride every scary and death defying ride they have. Most likely I would go back to Mali and spend a month in my village with the people who changed my life the first time around.

I don't know what I would do. It's interesting to think about. What would YOU do? While you think about it, I'm going to continue sipping my 3pm gin and tonic to calm my nerves and enjoy the space I occupy in this world right here and now.

What's in a Year?

At the closing of any occasion of accomplishment, I am someone who finds it difficult not to pause and kind of take stock of where I am and from where I have come over the previous 365 days. It's a great way to do a mental and emotional check and to evaluate ways in which I can move forward in the most positive manner.

For those readers who are new to this blog, it actually started out as an account of my summer working in a refugee camp, with all of the first 15 or so posts detailing that experience. I started it a year ago, thanks to my friend H's suggestion after noticing, I am sure, the 100+ names on my group emails. And it struck me today, as I woke up without setting my alarm, surveyed the mine field which is my room, and laid in bed thinking about things to do today on this glorious and empty morning, how different this time last year was for me.

I left for Kenya on May 27, 2006. For the week leading up to it, this week, I was working on my journal writing competition, called "write-on". Let me explain a little but about this for those not familiar. Journals are big in law school--they are great for resumes, and they are basically student edited, selected and reviewed scholarly journals. Most put out about 4 issues a year, and each journal is topical (for example, mine is the International Law journal). The write on competition is held for 11 days after exams your first year and it's your only path onto a journal. Students buy a packet (making money off us any way they can!), with about 300 pages of topical research already compiled and a 50 question "bluebooking" test, and we have 11 days to write a 10 page note addressing the controversial area law at hand using only the sources and articles contained in the packet. See, the reason why write-on is stressful is because once you finish, you wait until the end of July to see if you were selected to be on a journal that you ranked. Immediately following finding out is when the interviews for 2L summer associate positions begin. Who wants to be the person who has to explain to their interviewers why there is no journal listing on their resume when the 10 people prior to that interview all successfully wrote on? It's awful.

So that's what I was doing. And packing my room. And saying goodbye to friends. And shopping. And having panic attacks daily. And figuring out how to pack for 6 weeks in a refugee camp followed by 4 studying law in London. And trying not to go insane.

So the summer came and went (I won't rehash it here--it's all in previous posts) and as I sat with S on the plane to Boston from London, after spending about every waking minute together since May 27, she looked over at me and said "So where do you think you'll be one year from now? Did you ever think this is where you'd be a year ago?" We both paused and thought about that. She continued and said "That's what I love about life: the best laid plans always change, and in a short period of time things can change and all of the sudden you're on a UN plane from Nairobi wondering oh my god, how did I get here!".

And I think that's one of the truer statements I have heard. I think there are times we fight change, because it's easier to keep putting one foot in front of the other than to allow yourself to veer off course, make a change, close your eyes, hold your breath and jump. I look back at where I was a year ago and am forced into pause to see how much I have grown through the experiences, some remarkable and some remarkably hard, that I have confronted, created, or dealt with over the last 365 days.

So where do you see yourself in a year, I wonder. I am trying to envision myself in 7 days since I will be 4 days into my life as a lawyer and that's hard enough. Having a moment and taking stock is good, though, for me, since it reminds me that an occasional jaunt off the beaten path keeps things interesting and has the ability to change your life.

I Feel Like I Just Gave Birth to a 31 Page Paper

I am done! Hooray. I could not be happier and turning in my final paper which has been the focus of this semester this morning was like a 2 ton weight being taken off my shoulders. And I have to say I am pretty happy with it. Let's hope my professor is as well...

I have 5 days to make the "transition" from exam mode to work mode. Lots of mixed feelings, but I feel that this summer is going to be a good one--challenging, a little scary, but a good chance to see if I can hack it in this corporate law world I am being shoved into.

I am going to continue sipping my beer in the journal office enjoying the freedom of being...DONE.

I Think I Love My Mac...

So, I caved in September and bought a Mac after having 2 HPs arrive at my doorstep broken (everyone boycott HP!!! they're evil!). And after a few weeks of staring lovingly at my Mac, all shiny and white, practically coaxing me to start my own garage band just 'cause I could, I finally became, what one might call, a devotee of Apple products. Nothing makes DLS happier than calling with questions to the Apple helpline, and being received by some nice person with a hearty Midwestern accent, who listens to DLS without judgment (as she is a self-proclaimed computer idiot), and who DLS can feel nodding and practically patting her head over the phone, then offering unlimited time and support, to help DLS figure out how to log onto the internet.

I was calling Apple those first few weeks just to chat--I would come up with anything, really, that I thought they might be able to help me with. It was kind of like therapy included in the price of your computer. What could be better?

But then in December something horrible happened, right in the middle of exams: DLS turned on her computer one morning and instead of the *DING* and happy little apple picture popping up, a very scary blinking question mark flashed instead. And there was no ding. DLS spent 90 minutes on the phone with the technician. DLS was not a happy camper, and I think the technician could tell. So, with his inability to aid me over the phone, I popped on the metro and went to my neighborhood Apple store for some in-person freak out session/therapy/technical support. The hard drive was dead, they informed me. But I left my computer, wrapped in it's fun neoprene case, with the Apple people and did what any self respecting law student who was in the middle of exams and was told her computer just died would do: soothed myself with some retail therapy.

Here is what I love about Apple: 3 hours and about 300 dollars worth of clothing and makeup later, I got a call from Apple. My computer was fixed. THREE HOURS PEOPLE. It was not shipped to Hong Kong, DLS was not asked to take the back off and remove random chips (thanks HP, you freaks), no, the computer stayed put and the geniuses at the store fixed it. In 3 hours. However, while I had the foresight to buy the 3 year protection (DLS is not good with technology. Sometimes things break), there are some things that the warranty does not cover. Like water damage. I arrived back at the store, hopeful and glowing, to be told that, in fact, my little computer had been a victim of water damage. (Maybe as a result of my shower leaking into my bedroom for two months without my LL fixing it. Just sayin'). I looked at my now empty wallet and my stomach SUNK. Hard drives are expensive. DLS did not want to return her new fun things. I think the Apple man saw the desperation in my eyes, and had witnessed my panic attack 3 hours before, and pushed the invoice toward me, this time really patting me on my shoulder while saying: "You know, based on everything you've been through, and in the spirit of the holidays, we're going to not mention the water damage, and not charge you for the hard drive. We'll pretend it was just a malfunction". Ladies and gentlemen, if I had had a ring I would have gotten on one knee and proposed to Apple man at that moment. Seriously. And then I would have drugged him and forced him down the aisle. I was THAT thankful. And stable.

So my Mac has been happy. Until recently. I am in exams..again. And suddenly my shiny new hard drive is telling me that I have no disk space left, that I can't save anything else. How is this possible? It's new! Is it the 2500 photos? 4000 songs? Being a responsible (fine, semi-responsible) adult, I called Apple man back. Apple man, what the hell. Apple man was patient and calm, once again. Apple man sold me an external hard drive, the same thing DLS's parents had been begging her to buy since she got the new computer. Apple man told DLS to move stuff over and make some room.

So today, as I was gearing up to start my take home exam and the mean little icon popped up saying there was no more disk space, I finally decided to take the external HD out of the box and see if I could make it work. DLS had to call Apple again, because she could not figure it out. (Do you like how DLS so flawlessly switches between 1st and 3rd person narrative in this? I think it adds a little something). So all my photos, every one of them, were moved from the snappy and smart iPhoto to my ugly gray external HD. I figured there would be at least half the disk space open after that move. When DLS opened the little thingy that tells you this information she saw that in fact, only 2GB of 75 had been freed.

DLS is not a happy camper. It's time to go visit the friendly Mac people again, in person. I think I love my Mac, but the verdict could go either way....