What's a Girl To Do?

It's Memorial Day weekend (moment of silence folks, memorial day...), I am sitting in my future apartment with two cats who love me, straightening up before my gals come over for mimosas and chit chat before brunch, and what do I see when I turn on the TV? LEGALLY BLONDE. oh wow. Sundays do not get better than this.

Here is the fave line thus far (3 minutes after turning it on): What does she have that you don't? Three tits?

HAHAHAHAHA. DLS might kind of be losing it. But it's fun!

Week One: Done

So I had a bit of a panic attack this week. As I was wandering the labyrinth of my firm's halls looking for one of the zillion conference rooms over looking the White House, I started to wonder how I got here. Was it a product of free choice or one of expectation? I think a little of both. I know what the motivations were for taking this job (cash. seriously. that was the motivation and I am not ashamed to admit it) but really, I don't think I ever expected to actually start. You get the offer in October, 8 months before the job begins. So it's pretty easy to forget that you actually have start.

But you do. And panic attacks aside (please-this is the first of many. I have been called melodramatic more than once) the first week was...decent. Lots of work, fantastic people, good dining on the firms expense, and a few drinks here and there and my first paycheck. I don't think this summer is going to be life changing, or riveting, but it will definitely be challenging. And I have never been one to run for challenge.

Off to my massage. It's the perk of the paycheck.

What Would You Do In 4 Months?

This has been an intense day for DLS. It started so nicely. A leisurely morning in bed, followed by a lovely walk to the Metro Center area of DC for some shopping for "firm wear". (Ok ok, I got two firm appropriate shirts and 2 fun ones. What's a gal to do??).

I was walking home, about a block from my house listening to some Dar Williams and feeling pretty good about the day. When all the sudden a man came careening out of his house, grabbed me and said "Please help me! I don't know what to do!". DLS likes to think she's level headed and a good person, so she calmly said "ok, calm down, what's going on"? The man explained that his partner had collapsed in their house, he was very hard of hearing and could not call 911 and needed help. Clearly, I pulled out the cell phone and called the dispatcher. I had to relay all of the intimate details of his partner's condition. He has leukemia. Had been given four months to live. Code blued on vacation in Miami just two weeks before. The dispatcher had me find out his history, his family history, personal history. I gave her my cell phone number because the man could not remember his own. I stayed with him until the ambulance came--I am certified in CPR and his partner was barely breathing.

I watched the scene unfold and could not help but be reminded of my own mortality. As I wandered home 15 minutes later, anonymous once again, this but a momentary flash for me and the rest of this man's life, I started to wonder how I would spend 4 months if I knew they were my last. With family, no doubt, and friends of course. Would I fly to Morocco tomorrow and climb the Atlas mountains? Or would I go back to Vermont and sit on our deck with my parents and Phoebe the dog and watch the sun set over our field each night? Maybe go back to China and wander through the hutongs in Beijing, or maybe go to 6 flags and ride every scary and death defying ride they have. Most likely I would go back to Mali and spend a month in my village with the people who changed my life the first time around.

I don't know what I would do. It's interesting to think about. What would YOU do? While you think about it, I'm going to continue sipping my 3pm gin and tonic to calm my nerves and enjoy the space I occupy in this world right here and now.

What's in a Year?

At the closing of any occasion of accomplishment, I am someone who finds it difficult not to pause and kind of take stock of where I am and from where I have come over the previous 365 days. It's a great way to do a mental and emotional check and to evaluate ways in which I can move forward in the most positive manner.

For those readers who are new to this blog, it actually started out as an account of my summer working in a refugee camp, with all of the first 15 or so posts detailing that experience. I started it a year ago, thanks to my friend H's suggestion after noticing, I am sure, the 100+ names on my group emails. And it struck me today, as I woke up without setting my alarm, surveyed the mine field which is my room, and laid in bed thinking about things to do today on this glorious and empty morning, how different this time last year was for me.

I left for Kenya on May 27, 2006. For the week leading up to it, this week, I was working on my journal writing competition, called "write-on". Let me explain a little but about this for those not familiar. Journals are big in law school--they are great for resumes, and they are basically student edited, selected and reviewed scholarly journals. Most put out about 4 issues a year, and each journal is topical (for example, mine is the International Law journal). The write on competition is held for 11 days after exams your first year and it's your only path onto a journal. Students buy a packet (making money off us any way they can!), with about 300 pages of topical research already compiled and a 50 question "bluebooking" test, and we have 11 days to write a 10 page note addressing the controversial area law at hand using only the sources and articles contained in the packet. See, the reason why write-on is stressful is because once you finish, you wait until the end of July to see if you were selected to be on a journal that you ranked. Immediately following finding out is when the interviews for 2L summer associate positions begin. Who wants to be the person who has to explain to their interviewers why there is no journal listing on their resume when the 10 people prior to that interview all successfully wrote on? It's awful.

So that's what I was doing. And packing my room. And saying goodbye to friends. And shopping. And having panic attacks daily. And figuring out how to pack for 6 weeks in a refugee camp followed by 4 studying law in London. And trying not to go insane.

So the summer came and went (I won't rehash it here--it's all in previous posts) and as I sat with S on the plane to Boston from London, after spending about every waking minute together since May 27, she looked over at me and said "So where do you think you'll be one year from now? Did you ever think this is where you'd be a year ago?" We both paused and thought about that. She continued and said "That's what I love about life: the best laid plans always change, and in a short period of time things can change and all of the sudden you're on a UN plane from Nairobi wondering oh my god, how did I get here!".

And I think that's one of the truer statements I have heard. I think there are times we fight change, because it's easier to keep putting one foot in front of the other than to allow yourself to veer off course, make a change, close your eyes, hold your breath and jump. I look back at where I was a year ago and am forced into pause to see how much I have grown through the experiences, some remarkable and some remarkably hard, that I have confronted, created, or dealt with over the last 365 days.

So where do you see yourself in a year, I wonder. I am trying to envision myself in 7 days since I will be 4 days into my life as a lawyer and that's hard enough. Having a moment and taking stock is good, though, for me, since it reminds me that an occasional jaunt off the beaten path keeps things interesting and has the ability to change your life.

I Feel Like I Just Gave Birth to a 31 Page Paper

I am done! Hooray. I could not be happier and turning in my final paper which has been the focus of this semester this morning was like a 2 ton weight being taken off my shoulders. And I have to say I am pretty happy with it. Let's hope my professor is as well...

I have 5 days to make the "transition" from exam mode to work mode. Lots of mixed feelings, but I feel that this summer is going to be a good one--challenging, a little scary, but a good chance to see if I can hack it in this corporate law world I am being shoved into.

I am going to continue sipping my beer in the journal office enjoying the freedom of being...DONE.

I Think I Love My Mac...

So, I caved in September and bought a Mac after having 2 HPs arrive at my doorstep broken (everyone boycott HP!!! they're evil!). And after a few weeks of staring lovingly at my Mac, all shiny and white, practically coaxing me to start my own garage band just 'cause I could, I finally became, what one might call, a devotee of Apple products. Nothing makes DLS happier than calling with questions to the Apple helpline, and being received by some nice person with a hearty Midwestern accent, who listens to DLS without judgment (as she is a self-proclaimed computer idiot), and who DLS can feel nodding and practically patting her head over the phone, then offering unlimited time and support, to help DLS figure out how to log onto the internet.

I was calling Apple those first few weeks just to chat--I would come up with anything, really, that I thought they might be able to help me with. It was kind of like therapy included in the price of your computer. What could be better?

But then in December something horrible happened, right in the middle of exams: DLS turned on her computer one morning and instead of the *DING* and happy little apple picture popping up, a very scary blinking question mark flashed instead. And there was no ding. DLS spent 90 minutes on the phone with the technician. DLS was not a happy camper, and I think the technician could tell. So, with his inability to aid me over the phone, I popped on the metro and went to my neighborhood Apple store for some in-person freak out session/therapy/technical support. The hard drive was dead, they informed me. But I left my computer, wrapped in it's fun neoprene case, with the Apple people and did what any self respecting law student who was in the middle of exams and was told her computer just died would do: soothed myself with some retail therapy.

Here is what I love about Apple: 3 hours and about 300 dollars worth of clothing and makeup later, I got a call from Apple. My computer was fixed. THREE HOURS PEOPLE. It was not shipped to Hong Kong, DLS was not asked to take the back off and remove random chips (thanks HP, you freaks), no, the computer stayed put and the geniuses at the store fixed it. In 3 hours. However, while I had the foresight to buy the 3 year protection (DLS is not good with technology. Sometimes things break), there are some things that the warranty does not cover. Like water damage. I arrived back at the store, hopeful and glowing, to be told that, in fact, my little computer had been a victim of water damage. (Maybe as a result of my shower leaking into my bedroom for two months without my LL fixing it. Just sayin'). I looked at my now empty wallet and my stomach SUNK. Hard drives are expensive. DLS did not want to return her new fun things. I think the Apple man saw the desperation in my eyes, and had witnessed my panic attack 3 hours before, and pushed the invoice toward me, this time really patting me on my shoulder while saying: "You know, based on everything you've been through, and in the spirit of the holidays, we're going to not mention the water damage, and not charge you for the hard drive. We'll pretend it was just a malfunction". Ladies and gentlemen, if I had had a ring I would have gotten on one knee and proposed to Apple man at that moment. Seriously. And then I would have drugged him and forced him down the aisle. I was THAT thankful. And stable.

So my Mac has been happy. Until recently. I am in exams..again. And suddenly my shiny new hard drive is telling me that I have no disk space left, that I can't save anything else. How is this possible? It's new! Is it the 2500 photos? 4000 songs? Being a responsible (fine, semi-responsible) adult, I called Apple man back. Apple man, what the hell. Apple man was patient and calm, once again. Apple man sold me an external hard drive, the same thing DLS's parents had been begging her to buy since she got the new computer. Apple man told DLS to move stuff over and make some room.

So today, as I was gearing up to start my take home exam and the mean little icon popped up saying there was no more disk space, I finally decided to take the external HD out of the box and see if I could make it work. DLS had to call Apple again, because she could not figure it out. (Do you like how DLS so flawlessly switches between 1st and 3rd person narrative in this? I think it adds a little something). So all my photos, every one of them, were moved from the snappy and smart iPhoto to my ugly gray external HD. I figured there would be at least half the disk space open after that move. When DLS opened the little thingy that tells you this information she saw that in fact, only 2GB of 75 had been freed.

DLS is not a happy camper. It's time to go visit the friendly Mac people again, in person. I think I love my Mac, but the verdict could go either way....

Lawyers DO Have A Sense of Humor!

It's exam time. It's really here. There's no getting around it. Every day I sit with the other (more) diligent students in the library, staring out the window at the lovely weather we're having. And then stare back at my computer screen and books and whimper silently to myself.

So, it's not surprising that any small piece of humor is welcomed with open arms, breaking up the monotony of whatever class I'm studying for at that moment.

Right now that class is Decedents' Estates, also known as "Wills and Trusts". I have a closed book exam for this class on Thursday, and there's a lot of information. A LOT. So I did what any other law school student would do who is hoping to get an above average grade on the exam: I went right out and bought all the study guides I could find, including a box of flash cards that cost me $42.95. In the past week I have been working my way through the 765 cards included in this box, and I have to admit, they weren't a bad investment. The full realization of just how GOOD an investment they were came the other day, while I was quizzing myself on the creation of valid Last Wills and Testaments:

So the topic at hand was latent and patent ambiguities in Wills (those not familiar with this subject, fear not, it really has nothing to do with the hilarity which ensued as a result). I'm reading my cards, learning all about how courts go about determining the intent of the testator when ambiguity is present in the will. First we (the cards and I) go through the black letter law. Then we move on to the hypothetical questions. Now, in all of these study guides, the authors (all law profs and lawyers) like to use witty names, often cartoon characters or other well known pop culture icons as their subjects. However...this one took the cake (and this is full and unabridged, from card #175):

"Dr. Doolittle is a bona-fide animal lover. In his will, there is a bequest to the Society of the Protection of Tits and Asps, in CT. Now, CT has a Society for the protection of Tits, a bird lovers group. And it has a Society for the Protection of Asps, for reptile lovers. But there is no Society for the Protection of Tits and Asps. When Doolittle dies and his will is probated, should the court allow testimony and personal correspondence regarding Doolittle's intent?"

WHO CARES! This box of cards was DEFINITELY worth the 43 bucks for the laugh I got out of card #175. It's the small pleasures that keeps DLS going through exams. What can I say, Im easy to please.

Wahoowa

I went to UVA undergrad. My mom went there for nursing school. My dad for law school. I came to UVA as a hippie Vermonter who did not own a pair of black "hoochie" pants in the land of sororities. But I left with great friends and a fantastic education, and there are times I miss Charlottesville and UVA.

There is a rival, in Virginia, between schools. It's not uncommon. My friend M and I always ribbed each other in Peace Corps. She was a Hokie, I was a 'Hoo, and we thought our individual schools were superior.

UVA has a bridge that belongs to the students. It's called Beta Bridge. Almost every night you find different student groups, sports teams, frats, individuals, painting it, advertising something or other happening on campus. I remember one morning I woke up and turned the corner, onto Rugby Road to see the bridge painted in pale yellow with blue writing saying "Amy, I'd do the stars with you, anytime. Will you Marry me?". Every female on the UVA campus melted that day. I still have a photo hanging in my room of the bridge painted when the new rowers were chosen for the team my freshman year. Same bridge, 6000 coats of paint later.

Below I am posting a letter in its entirety from the VA Tech student government to the UVA community. It's true--this past week we have not been 'Hoos v. Hokies, we've all been together, past and present, students and alums, in solidarity. Enjoy.

Date: April 17, 2007

On behalf of 30,000 students, administrators, and our Virginia Tech community, I cannot begin to express our gratitude for the outpouring of sympathy, support, and compassion UVA has shown us in the past two days.

It is an understatement to say the aftermath of our losses has been emotionally trying for us. The realization of losing 32 valuable lives in our Virginia Tech family is something that we are trying desperately to recover from. But even in the most difficult day of Virginia Tech history, we have found strength-it is your university in particular that has sustained us, far beyond what you will ever know.

How do we thank you for your students and faculty gathered here today to memorialize our victims and to share in our sorrow. How do we thank you for the initiative and commitment your student government made towards finding 30,000 candles for our grieving campus so that our student leaders could focus on healing and comforting instead. How do we thank you for the hundreds of Hokies who saw your painted bridge, and were moved to tears? How do we thank you for the way your students instantly put aside our infamous rivalry to the point where the greatest measures of compassion from another institution have been from you?

Your aid has had such a profound impact upon our students. Please know what UVA is doing is being noticed, is making a difference, and is nothing short of extraordinary.

Thank you for being a testament to the best of collegiate student leadership-and to humanity in general. In what we have been calling the darkest night Virginia Tech has ever seen, you are one of our brightest lights. The strong alliance that has been formed between our school and yours is part of our foundation in moving forward.

From our hearts to yours, thank you for your noble efforts. May you also find solace and restoration as we grieve together as students and as a nation. In or out of times of need, Virginia Tech will stand beside you as fellow students, Virginians, and most importantly, as friends.

With gratitude,
Elizabeth Hart
Virginia Tech
Student Government Association
Director of Public Relations

Does Anyone Else See The Problem With This?

Ok--quick post to follow up on later but wanted to share now since I felt like I was in an alternate universe reading it. (I do this in the middle of my decedents' estates class where we're talking about Medicare Spend-down. Someone just asked if this was going to be on our closed book exam. Father O'Brien's response: "Well, if you can work it into the rule against perpetuities it is!" Awesome. But I digress...)

So--check out this BBC Article. Yes, my hiatus on talking about Africa, refugees, and my paper has ended (start rejoicing folks).

Here is one of DLS's favorite parts:

On the state of Oil in Sudan, according to the Sudanese business man: "This is the best situation we've had in 20 years". Really? This is the best situation you've had in 20 years? Hundreds of thousands of people perishing to the north in your country and you're psyched about pretty hotels and oil? Now I get it. How can anyone expect the rest of the world to give a damn about that region called Darfur if you don't. That makes sense. Keep pumping that oil. By the time the crisis is Darfur is over you'll have ridded yourself of all those pesky peasants in the north so you can finalize your vision of "Africa's Dubai".

There are more gems in this article (see: discussion of US sanctions. Don't even get me started on this) but wow. Let this one marinate and tell me whether you feel a little squeamish about the whole thing.

Better Than DLS Could Say It

Read this. It's gorgeous and thoughtful and made DLS cry.

Could not be said better. I am proud to be Tales' friend.

As The Dust Settles

I don't think anyone's mind has been truly free this week from the events at Virginia Tech that took place on Monday. As the days have passed more of the initial questions have been answered, more of the philosophical "how can this happen, how DID this happen" and the "are we at the mercy of fate" questions have arisen.

I started thinking about this reading minor incident's blog entry here a couple of days ago. The idea that our stories have already been written, that we are on a path to something greater that has already been set is not entirely new (Helloooo...haven't we ALL seen and memorized the NeverEnding Story? Or is that just me?). We have the ability to affect and alter our lives, paths and decisions, but overall the destination and when you arrive is inevitably the same.

Maybe a little morbid, but it struck again this morning as I was perusing the Washington Post online upon arriving at work. They wrote about the 75 year old professor and Holocaust survivor who saved his classroom of students from the gunman by becoming a human shield. As I read about his funeral in Israel that took place yesterday, his survival as a teenager in the concentration camps, and his journey to Virginia Tech, the idea that we move buoyantly through our lives with a purpose unbeknownst to us struck me even more.

I was happy to be the only one in the office as I was reading the WaPo piece. It made me tear up and remember the truly great people who exist in the world, the ones who live not in the tabloids, on the big screen or using their fame while adopting babies from Africa. They are the people we know in our daily lives, the people whose small acts of generosity and kindness send ripples throughout the community on a regular basis and help pave their own paths of fate.

I think the outlines of what shall become each person's narrative has been written. Fate exists for the bounty of us all. We fill in the blanks based on the choices we make--both the small and the large. As I read the chain of events spanning 6 decades that brought Liviu Librescu to the door of the classroom where his student sat as targets, this belief was solidified just a little bit more.

Channeling Elle Woods

Oh woe is law school, moans DisgruntledLawStudent at least once a day. Ok, at least 100 times a day. But today I had a moment of channeling a fictional law student I can quote in any given situation...particularly this one.

All those who know me know that I find this law school to be really good at making people feel mediocre. All the time. It does not matter what grades I'm getting, there is still that "Congratulations, you're mediocre!" banner waving high above the heads of hopeful litigators day in and day out. And there's that whole selling my soul to the corporate devil that keeps me up at night.

But the one thing said law school does and does well are their clinics. A total of 10 clinics represent battered women, low income individuals seeking to secure housing, landlord/tenant issues, criminal justice issues, juvenile justice issue, and, most exciting to me, asylum seekers coming to the clinic as a last ditch effort to gain asylum in the U.S.

The Center for Applied Legal Studies is the asylum clinic. In pairs of 2 students take a case from start to finish, ending with representation in a court against the department of Homeland Security. I applied last year and did not get in. I applied this year and the decisions came out today.

I was really tentative about getting my hopes up, as I did last year, even with my experience from this past summer. CALS has the highest number of applicants and only 24 total slots for the year--12 in the Fall and 12 in the Spring. So I submitted my application telling myself that either way would be ok...

Here is the scene as I went to the door to check the list to see if I had been one of the lucky ones, the moment of channeling Elle Woods:

SCENE:

In a Harvard Law hallway, looking at the list of the 4 people chose for the prestigious internship with the fancy Boston Law firm. Warner gets in, bitchy girlfriend gets in, token hostile girl gets in. The rest of the students are milling around. Elle walks up.

Students: who else is there? Who is the fourth slot going to (as Elle pushes her way to the front of the line)

********We hear rustling and murmuring, see Elle turn around and emerge, huge Grin on her face*******

Elle: ME! (As she pushes toward Warner and bitchy girlfriend)

Elle: oh Warner, remember after winter formal last year when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub togeher?

Warner: yea--uh, no, no I don't (bitchy girlfriend glaring)

Elle: Well this is SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT! Excuse me, I have some shopping to do...

END SCENE
I am Elle. I was chosen. THE LAST SLOT GOES TO ME! And suddenly DisgruntledLawStudent becomes a little less disgruntled and a little more hopeful for the year to come.

I could not be more ecstatic.

Those Who Give Us Pause

There are the defining moments in everyone's life, those times when you think to yourself "I will always remember where I was when ______ happened".

For me, it is a combination of the Challenger's explosion (in Science class), but more profoundly September 11, 2001 when I was working in the Senate Judiciary Committee. I remember every last detail, as most people do, down to the shoes and skirt I was wearing, and the sense of calm that settled over my mind as we ran outside to the chaos that ensued between the Capitol and Union Station. I have told the story many times as it is one that for me spans about 5 days, and it is one that I am sure will be told many more times throughout my life. I view events such as these as milestones, the quiet reminder of where you are and where you are going. The reminder of mortality. The reminder that life is finite and we should embrace the day laughing heartily and often.

I imagine there will be many moments of pause this afternoon for families around the country, as they reach their sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins who are attending or working at Virginia Tech.

I imagine there will be many moments of pause for people like me who don't know anyone directly affected but stand in the doorway or in front of the computer and ache at the climbing number of fatalities.

There is good reason to pause this afternoon and take a good look at where you are and those around you. As a moment of peace sent out to those affected by the gruesome killings, as well as a moment of reminder for the things that we often take for granted. Those who give us pause are often the people who are stumbling or have fallen, but they are also the ones who provide perspective and resolve to those who remain.

Those Who Inspire

It's my friend S's birthday today. I have to post a little somethin' about her as this has been a kick ass and *BIG* week for her (and all of us who have been next to her during the past year).

S is one of those people who is a classic overachiever. She's in a joint degree program, getting both a master's and a J.D. She works for a judge, while balancing this. She goes to yoga classes. Regularly.

And today, she's reached the top of the thesis mountain, a peak that she has been climbing slowly and steadily for 365 days, if not more. I. Am. SO. Proud. Of. Her. Ladies and gentlemen, she has accomplished this ALL WHILE IN LAW SCHOOL.

I like having people around me who inspire me to be a little better, reach a little farther, push a litter harder. S is one of those. In a zen-like manner she steadily gets it done--accurately, intelligently, and always fashionably.

She deserves a shout out or four. Give someone a high-five and congratulate S on a job well done, and to another remarkable year on her birthday.

Hooray for New Blogs!

Everyone should read Minor Incident's blog that just got up and running (and is linked to the right...) There is nothing better in this world than thoughtfully brilliant people.

Sink or Swim

There is a strange melancholy that descends on law school campuses around this time of year. I noticed it last Spring and it is ten-fold this time around. I don't know if it's the creeping realization that exams are (somehow) less than a month away, or feeling the momentum, even briefly, of just how quickly time passes. It's more acute now than ever before and I think it's more disconcerting.

I have balanced a fine line between feeling panic at the thought of having to finish this paper that has become a winding road that seems to have no end (breathing deeply) and looking back at a semester of my Wills and Trusts class that is quickly approaching an end, capped with a closed book exam, in less than a month (breathing deeply) and the sudden jolt of where I'm going in less than 2 months and wondering if I am really actually truly ready to work in a law firm (breathing deeply). And I look around and it's no different for most other people. If it's not a first time firm job, it's the Bar exam, or for first years being inundated already with the idea of Early Interview Week that does not even begin until August! Feelings of remorse after swearing that you would not get behind in reading for that class and realizing that you are 200 pages behind with deadlines left and right. Strategizing sleep schedules knowing that there is not going to be much in that department for 5 weeks, and calculating how much coffee you can drink in a day to still stay sane and have maximum efficiency.

It's the moment of realizing you know what you HAVE to do to get through it, but good god, you just don't really want to, you wonder if this is going to be the time you might not make it, and putting your head down and just pushing through what feels like a quickly hardening block of cement.

This is where the super powers kick in. We all have them. We just need to wake them up. Wish us luck....

OOOHHH Mama's Got A New Pair of Shoes!

Or...a new apartment. For the weekend. What is it about a slight change of venue that makes me feel like I am going on vacation to Cancun rather than to Dupont Circle? I mean, I'm not even leaving the District, for crying out loud. But there is something about the thought of being away from home that makes me feel like a giddy little girl again. And there are cats involved. At the risk of making me sound like a cat lady at the tender age of 27--I am so excited.

R dropped off the keys 15 minutes ago. My first question was "So. when you gonna be out of the apartment? Can you text me on your way out so I can jump in the cab and head up there?" I think she might be second guessing letting me cat sit for her.

I think the thing that makes me feel like I won a hotel vacation in some exotic locale is the info sheet that R sent me today. It's really genius. I mean, not only do I not have to put up with the incessant whistling of my roommate, but I have a whole new batch of take out places to sample for three days! There's a lot of sampling to be done. Also, R has a shower with a tub. It's decadence. Pure and simple.

So the info sheet. She has categories such as: Shopping/Amenities and lists grocery and liquor stores (the woman knows me well) as well as explicit instructions as to how to use the TV and VCR, Internet, and track lighting. It's like arriving in a hotel and checking out all the cool stuff they have in their bedside folder. It is a truly a great moment at the beginning of any vacation.

So my bags are packed: sunscreen, flip flops, parasol, fuzzy slippers and 1000 pages of notes. And pajamas. I'm only bringing pajamas. because I don't plan on leaving. Unless it's for alcohol.

Taking a Breather

So. In hopes of varying the posts, I am going to take a breather from refugees and Somalia for a moment. After I just share this, from the WaPo trifecta of stories this past week on Somalia:

The U.N. refugee agency said 58,000 people have fled violence in Mogadishu since the beginning of February.

Waves of people have crossed Somalia's western border into Kenya, raising concerns that Islamic radicals could be trying to hide there. On Friday, a senior Kenyan police official said six officers in Garissa, near the border, were arrested and accused of aiding "possible terrorists" from Somalia or Ethiopia.

Forty-five Somalis have been detained since Friday, police said.

Somalia has been mired in chaos since 1991, when warlords overthrew dictator Mohamed Siad Barre and then turned on one another.

OK. So. Just a few thoughts on the above:

1) 58,000 Somalis fleeing--that is 1/3 of the total number of Somalis in the camps of Kenya--who have tricked in, been born there, come sporadically since 1991. 58,000 people. SINCE FEBRUARY.

2) Dear Kenya: you kind of look like huge assholes. We are essentially locking people into a self-imploding country. Is this some kind of social experiment to see what happens when we allow anarchy and a population to return to a Hobbesian state? Are Somalis really this expendable? Really?

So I continue to plug away at the paper, regardless of feeling like I am having a relapse of malaria because in my gut of guts I know there is some value here. I was talking to my friend Martina, who just came home from spending 6 months in Southern Sudan with MercyCorps. We were talking about the different realities in Sudan and Somalia, working with these populations. Martina talked about her training on what to do should you find yourself in the middle of a mine field--since they are so common in Sudan. My response, of course, was "well, how in the world would you KNOW? I mean, isn't that the point of mines, that they're buried?" She was explaining that most of the people planting the mines were "in a hurry" and would often leave the mine packaging at the site of the landmine. I had to (very inappropriately) chuckle at the genius of it all.

And I will try to leave the endless trickle of thoughts on the horn of Africa, refugees, our places in this conflict at that. What shall I write about next...hmmm....we shall see.

Does blogging about refugees count as work on my refugee paper?

I know the answer to this is no...but sometimes it's nice to get out of the analytical position and move back into the hmm, here are the thoughts that I have had while wading through, at this point, thousands of pages of ideas that others have already had on the issues I am writing about.

Here is why I am writing this paper:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/02/AR2007040201569.html

The government telling them to go. GO WHERE? The borders are closed!

So here's the progress to date: the paper has morphed from refugees, border closings, non-refoulement, case studies to refugees, the 1951 convention, non-refoulement, state responsibility for intentional wrongful acts.

I was really frustrated for a while. I mean, how do you write on something that every other person expressing an interest in refugee law has already analyzed? So I forced other people to listen to me while I worked things out that were swimming in my head. And what did I discover? the 2001 ILC Draft Articles on Responsibility of States for Intentional Wrongful Acts! (Anyone still with me?). This was a goldmine, a gem. Sure sure sure--people have written on these since their finalization in 2001, there have been symposiums. But no one, that I can find, has written entirely on their implication regarding refugees. See, the cool thing about the Draft Articles is that they apply to wrongful acts not only against other states, but also individuals. They don't deal with whether the international law or treaty being violated is wrong, but provides tools and guidelines to analyze if a state can be held or should be held accountable for a derogation of a treaty obligation, and when, if ever, a state is NOT held responsible. You will not find a case study dealing with border closings where the state closing the border does not have a reason, excuse, "state necessity", "national security" excuse. And they are normally BULLSHIT reasons. I am actually excited to write about this, because I think it's novel and I think it's a new way for all the people, including myself, who are exasperated by the state of international refugee law to approach these issues.

I applied for the Center for Applied Legal Studies today--a clinic at Georgetown where pairs of students represent an individual who is seeking asylum. They come to the clinic as their left chance, they have already been denied, and clinic students take their case from start to finish. I would really like to be a part of this clinic, not only because it's 12 credits of real life lawyering, but also because I think it would take my experience to a full circle. I know where I want to be in 5 years, and it would be great to have a first hand look at the U.S. refugee laws do to people who arrive here, versus international refugee law.

How Humanitarian Can Humanitarians Be? Part II

So there's this problem in Sudan. Crisis, some might say, genocide is a term I've heard used. So where's the international response? Is it comprised solely of the 14,000 humanitarian aid workers and 70 NGOs in Darfur? What happened to the resounding (and once again unfashionably late) proclamations after the Holocaust and Rwanda of "never again"? Is the world being outsmarted and outplayed by one man sitting in Khartoum? I'm beginning to think we are....

Bashir is a genius. Really. He'll move into history alongside the Maos and the Hitlers for his calculating ability to manipulate and strategically twist every single attempted intervention in his favor. Case in point: where, pray tell, is the UN? They are not peace keeping, they are not intervening. No air strikes, no sanctions. So UNHCR is there, barely, and with the UN's genius plan of integrated missions they are stifled, by their own supervising organization, in their tasks. Bashir has nothing to do with the UNHCR's failures. His moves, however, have played an enormous role in the lack of intervention.

The situation on the ground in Darfur is bad. But it's not quite bad enough. It sounds weird, doesn't it? Bashir's plan, his agenda, is to make the situation on the ground so uncomfortable for the residents of Sudan that they will be propelled to flee--to leave the country, seemingly by their own volition. As long as there is not mass starvation, as long as they can walk that invisibly fine line, the government is sitting pretty. As long as they are allowing some humanitarian aid in there is less of an argument for the UN to intervene. So this leads me wonder (and I assure you, I am not the only one)--are the humanitarian actors the ones actually preventing an escalated response in their stoicism and devotion to stick it out regardless of the number of aid workers who have been shot in the head?

There have been 12. 12 workers in 6 months gunned down purposefully. That is 2x as many as in the previous two years combined. So what would it take for the UN or anyone else to get in there? Currently there are 7,000 AU peace keeping forces on the ground. Bashir has refused to allow for more. The UN Charter allows for intervention when there is serious instability of forced migrants (Am I alone here in seeing Chad flashing in large red letters?) or if there is a significant breach in peace and security. Umm. No comment. Under Chapter 7 of the UN Charter the Security Council can authorize action. However, the UN Charter also provides for the ability of any permanent member of the Council to veto and thus kill these authorizations. Who likes Sudan's oil?? CHINA! Who's a permanent member of the UN Security Council?? CHINA! I think you can see where I'm going with this.

Member states can invoke their own right to intervene unilaterally or as a coalition, but we have all seen how well that worked out for the U.S. in a small country named Iraq. Without the backing of the Security Council the problem won't be touched with a 100 foot pole by anyone else. I shake my head in disappointment and frustration at the continued reverberations of Iraq. Sudan disintegrates into two civil wars covering the entire country, government sponsored torture and murder, mass exodus that is poised to drag Chad and the Central African Republic into the turmoil and the rest of the world sits idle.

I amend my question--how humanitarian SHOULD humans be? CAN humans be? I'm sick of reading and writing about this. I am tempted to take a semester off and go there with one of the NGOs--I'm 100% confident I could find a 6 month internship. I hesitate, knowing it would make my mother cry and affect any offer (most likely) I might be lucky enough to get after this summer. But it makes me sad to sit here and just wax poetic to an audience possibly of none, and whoever is left reading is most likely kind of tired of such similar topics over and over. Patience, zen and hope is all I got now.